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ramblings

Archive for May 2011

16:24

All I have been able to think about today is that there is currently a Scrambler located across the street from my office. Too bad it is cold and rainy….

Update:  Seriously. The boss left early and there is hardly anyone here. Couple that with the fact that every time I look out the window NO ONE is riding it. I could’ve been riding the crap out of that mofo all afternoon! (that’s what she said)

Written by mellydea

May 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Posted in ramblings

11:15

This week has sucked. I’m not going to write about it because I have talked and written about it to the people I care most about. That’s enough for me.

So I thought, to make myself feel better, I would write an embarrassing story.

I peed my pants in Belize.

I’m just going to own it.  It should go without saying that this was unintentional.  At least, I hope that goes without saying. It’s not as if I make a habit of peeing my britches.

I mentioned in the last post that my husband and I went on a cruise in 2009. It was a belated honeymoon, belated 5th anniversary and early 7th anniversary trip all-in-one.  We left from New Orleans (it didn’t impress me but we were there less than 24 hours, most of that time I was tired) and sailed to the Costa Maya area of Mexico;  Santo Tomas de Castilla, Guatemala; Belize City, Belize; and Cozumel, Mexico. My modus operandi is one of worry. I worry about everything. It should come as no surprise that I am currently on anti-anxiety medication. That’s a story for another day.  My point is taking a tour means I don’t worry. Everything is planned for me. I show up where I’m needed to go and enjoy the day.  In theory.  I’m always worried about the bathroom situation. I have had too many close calls in my life so it’s an important part of my being. I always go to the restroom several times before leaving anywhere and take advantage of any bathroom breaks, when I can.  Except this day.

I did, as per usual, make my twenty million bathroom trips before we left the ship.  We had to tender into port (ships cannot dock in Belize because of the reef) and to say it was chaos would be an understatement. So, the anxiety started to kick in. My brain was telling me “go to the bathroom one more time, just in case.” Every other part of me was saying “NO! We might get left behind and miss the tour!”  The tour consisted of a boat ride up the Olde Belize River, a stop for lunch (and a chance to buy souvenirs) and a trip to the Mayan Ruins, Altun Ha.  I must have, in my hyper state, convinced  myself that he boat ride wouldn’t be that big of a deal. It wouldn’t be that long.

I was wrong.

We were having a great time on the river. We got to see quite a bit of wildlife and learn about Belize (something the history nerd in my thoroughly enjoys). At some point, though, I started getting the urge.  I ignored it. There was nothing I could do and I refused to let it interfere with my enjoyment.  Soon it became clear that I had a major problem.  Many thoughts ran through my head: 1. Maybe I could get them to pull the boat over and I could run up to some stranger’s house and ask for the bathroom 2. Maybe there will be a little town soon and we can stop for a break and 3. Maybe I should “fall” into the river.  I dismissed each idea 1. embarrassment 2. embarrassment and 3. crocodiles.  Despite the fact that we had seen swimmers, preparing for Baron Bliss Day, in the river, I wasn’t about to get my leg gnawed off because I refused to listen to my body.

When we spotted the monkeys, my body made my decision for me.  I was mortified. No…MORTIFIED. I had, at 33 years of age, peed my pants. Then I realized there would not only be evidence on my pants but also a puddle.

So…

I took the batting I had used to wrap my camera, out of my purse and tucked it underneath me and in my shorts. When I assumed all was “dry”, I put the batting BACK IN MY PURSE (away from the camera) and pretended as if nothing happened. When we finally got off the boat (about 1.5 hours later), I pulled my shirt down as far as I could and put my purse – thankfully a messenger bag – on my butt. (My husband, while sympathetic, told me it was still pretty noticeable.) I hightailed it the solitary restroom – possibly pushing some little old ladies out of my way – and tried to clean up as best I could. I spent the lunch break standing in the sun. Miserable.

After my body turned against me (at no fault of its own), the tour guided handed out bottles of water and said “Be careful. We’ve only reached our halfway point!” Everyone laughed. Sadly, it never occurred to me (until later) that I could have “spilled” my bottle of water all over myself thus hiding my shame.

I made my husband vow to never tell a soul. Naturally, I had to share it with my closest friends.

Like I said,  I’m just going to own it.

Written by mellydea

May 4, 2011 at 11:44 am

Posted in ramblings